...when I reread some of the posts that I wrote years ago, I feel sort of squirmy and ill inside. My hands get a little clammy and I want to loosen my collar. I think I sound pretentious and know-it-all-ish, downright pious and unfriendly. Ugh. Honestly, I am debating deleting many posts. Or maybe just unpublishing them. I touched on these feelings here. Much time has passed since I wrote that post, likening my little, personal transformation to the Velveteen Rabbit. Yet, I still feel the same way, on an eternal quest to be genuine. I stopped writing things that could be construed as advice, things that made it appear that I have it all together. Because the problem with giving advice is that, in the very act of giving it, we make the assumption that we are qualified to do so, even though that may not be our deliberate intention.
Much of what I write here is intentionally unimportant. Though, I guess "unimportant" isn't exactly correct. It is not about writing drivel or meaningless chatter, about wasting time or writing fluff and stuff. I want to write about things that are important to both my family and true to myself. And while I am glad you are here to share them, they may not be important to you. They are the comings and goings of my children, our activities and our photographs. They are birthdays and celebrations and milestones. But there will be no nitty-gritty "how to" posts on anything. Because things that were once set in stone can change with the wind. Just. Like. That.
I don't post about homeschooling philosophies or marriage or childrearing or housekeeping tips or politics or even much about my own personal faith in God. Why? Because I have been misunderstood many a time. And because I stumble and fall on my face much more frequently than I get things right. And then, stubborn fool that I am, I sometimes I lie there on my face for a long while before I am willing to get up. God is working on me in a way that is not pretty or poetic. I know that pretty and poetic is popular. And while this little blog doesn't generate stats in the thousands or dozens of comments, it is a comfortable place for me to record my thoughts and memories and, hopefully, a place for my children to visit years from now to reminisce.
If you stopped by my home, I would offer you a cup of tea and we could sit and talk. But since that isn't possible in most cases, I want to thank those of you who continue to visit me here, who enjoy seeing the smiles of my little ones and reading about the stuff of our life. I am so glad you are here.
