Today's mothers are blessed to be able to talk aloud about something that has been going on since the beginning of time--sharing sleep. Families have snuggled together for thousands of years at nighttime but only recently has it come into the public eye as an legitimate parenting practice. Mothers have known that babies sleep best close to Mom but in recent decades, co-sleeping was frowned upon by parenting "experts" and much of the medical community.
I began to consider sleeping close to my babies when my oldest son was only a couple of weeks old. He had been sleeping in a Moses basket in our bedroom for the first couple weeks of life when we decided to transition him to his crib down the hall in his newly decorated bedroom. My son was still waking every two hours or so to breastfeed. So, every couple of hours I would stumble down the hallway to his bedroom, pick him up and nurse him in the rocking chair. I, being an exhausted new mother, unaccustomed to interrupted sleep, would proceed to fall asleep while nursing the baby. Once, I awoke to the feeling that I was dropping my son. Sure enough, he was slipping off my lap. I was able to "catch" him before he hit the carpet but this incident taught me that it was much better to keep baby close with me at night.
Since then, we have had many different arrangements for sleep. My first son slept exclusively with my husband and I until he was two, when we began to transition him into his own twin bed. Our second son did not have a crib at all but, after a few months old, fell asleep with Mom and spent the rest of the night in a double bed with his brother. My oldest daughter had a crib and slept in it after dozing off with Mom but transitioned to a twin bed with side rail at a year old. She now shares a double bed with her baby sister who sleeps through the night at a young age.
There is much pressure from well meaning people to get our children to sleep through the night at an early age. I understand this concern because the image is of the mother waking every couple of hours and having to walk across the house to tend to her baby. When baby is kept close in a co-sleeper or bassinet, wakeful periods are shortened allowing both mother and baby to get back to sleep easier.
With the exception of my littlest daughter, none of my babies slept completely through the night until they were at least two years old. This did not bother me, though, because they were close by and soothing them back to sleep was not a burden. I also think that "sleeping through the night" is a relative term. My night's sleep may be much shorter than your night's sleep. I am happy to get five hours of uninterrupted sleep. I feel refreshed and ready to start another day.
There are some concerns that keeping a baby close makes it difficult for spouses to spend time together. I think this is a legitimate concern that, with a little creativity, can be overcome. Babies can start off in their own bed when you think you will be needing time alone in yours. Then, later in the evening, or upon the baby's waking, can be brought back into your room if necessary.
Another concern among naysayers is that parents may roll over on their baby. If parents are prone to use alcohol or drugs, sharing sleep should be avoided. You do not tell yourself as you fall asleep each night not to roll off the edge of the bed. You just instinctively know where to edge is, somewhere in your sleepy awareness. That same instinct keeps you from rolling onto your baby.
Parents who cannot or do not want to share sleep with their children can foster good relationships and meet baby's needs for food, warmth or companionship by responding to baby's cries in a prompt manner. Cries are a baby's only means of verbal communication. When we ignore those cries, we are, in effect, showing baby that they are not important to us and that their cries will go unanswered. This produces the opposite effect than "experts" often cite. Many people claim that a baby left to "cry it out" will eventually learn to self-soothe. In essence, what really happens is that the child learns that no one is going to come and gives up, heartbroken. Night after night they cry, longing for the tender touch and kind voice of mother but is only met with darkness and loneliness. Over a prolonged period of time, this loneliness and frustration can produce disordered behavior such as head banging, prolonged bed wetting and nightmares. It also teaches the child that their communication is ineffective and they cease trying to communicate their needs to parents.
Snuggling with Dad is a way to bond during the early weeks and months when feeding is usually done by Mom. Dad's deeper voice and strong arms make baby feel secure and safe.
Sharing sleep is a win-win situation. Parents and baby benefit from this bonding practice and baby's needs are met almost effortlessly. Generations of mothers know that little ones are happier at night when kept close to Mom.
